Well when I started this blog I wanted to challenge myself to run a marathon. I wanted to blog about the journey of running a marathon and enjoying the different things that go with it, however the Lord had other plans for me. Not even a month into my running was I having health problems that put me in physical therapy and from there it has been a crazy whirlwind. It turns out that what we thought was a shoulder problem is actually a spinal problem. After almost a year of appointments and seeing specialist after specialist, I FINALLY have received the diagnosis of PseudoTumor Cerebi. My spinal fluid pressure is elevated causing nerve problems, headaches, vision loss, hearing problems, and fatigue. A doctor finally sat down and listened to my symptom patterns and ALL the symptoms and was able to order the right tests. So where do I go from here? Well that is the big question! I have an MRA scheduled to ensure that there are no blood clots in my brain causing the increases in pressure and I also will start a medication. He also wants me to lose 40-50 pounds to see if that helps. With this diagnosis, I have to re-challenge and refocus myself and start over from scratch! I have redefine what my challenges are in life to find my ultimate happiness.
As many of you know I have had to quit my full time job due to the health problems and all the appointments. I just could not focus with daily headaches and daily fatigue. I have since then continued to work part-time and become a stay at home mommy! This whole mommy 24-7 is crazy, challenging, and sometimes frustrating, but I would not change it for the world. My boys are the best (even though I get upset with all the fighting). I love what I am doing but at the same time I want to have something that makes myself feel successful. That desire for success is something I crave! I have decided that I am going to refocus my abilities on my blogging, on my desire to create things, and on my need to spread the word of the Lord. I realize that 40-50 pounds is a lot of weight to lose and I can't do it alone! After reading the Eat to live book and The Daniel Plan, I am ready to undertake this challenge. I am ready to challenge myself and kick butt! I have to figure out my limitations as exercise can increase the brain pressure. I am not able to run as that really increases the pressure in my head and I also have to understand that at times I do need to rest because today my headache about knocked me out. I have to accept that days will not always go as I plan and I have to accept those plans. So even though I am finally able to have an understanding about my medical problems, I still have the desire to find happiness. So I am reorganizing my challenges so that I can fit them to my abilities at this point in my life! I am not giving up on my marathon idea (at least not yet) but I may have to dial it back till I see if the medication and weight loss helps! I am sure the Neuro-Ophthalmologist will have something to add as well when I see him in three weeks but I am hopeful until then I will be able to maintain where I am at. So from here on out I am challenging myself to the following goals:
1. Walk a 5K in 35 minutes by fall!
2. Lose 25-30 pounds by August/September
3. Continue to read the bible, but not just read it I want to actually study it and spend time in the word of the Lord. I am going to follow The Daniel Plan and where fitness and food is the key, Faith is the main component and it asks that you spend time in the bible at least 10 minutes a day. So as long as I can maintain this plan (which I will because I have an understanding that my body does not belong to me, it belongs to the Lord).
4. Read a book a week (I love to read and I want to develop this habit again and I want to teach my children that reading is important)
5. Accept that I may only be able to work part-time and realize that being a mommy is more important than success! God has a plan and a purpose for me and I pray that I can continue to inspire children that pass through my home or that I will be able to do his work as he desires!
6. Blog weekly (if it kills me) about my struggles with Pseudo Tumor, stay at home mommy drama, or any other topic that may come to mind for the week! I have lots to say and lots I want to do so I literally just have to be able to sit down and give myself the time to write it out! I want to be able to inspire people with anything. I want to be able to spread the word of the Lord and to share with people what I am studying!
Are you guys ready for the big challenge....
7. I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK!!! The Lord has laid it on my heart to write about something (don't want to give out my idea) and I am hopeful that I will be able to start writing (after I study the material the Lord wants me to look at) in the fall! I am hoping that with these new challenges that fit my abilities I will be able to achieve my ultimate Happiness.
These Goals (challenges) are my new found future! I am going to post these goals in my view for daily reminding and I will be able to enjoy happiness. I know that I have several struggles ahead of me, but I will look them all in the face with God there along with me. It is time to refocus and become new!
May God Bless all of you,
Amanda
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. -Romans 12:2
Friday, March 28, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
Finding Strength and Building Habits
How many times have we all heard the saying, "you will never know love until you look in the eyes of a child?" I think I had heard it a couple times before I had my own children. And you know, those old sayings some times prove to be true! Us mothers and fathers think we love each other, but then we have children and we would do anything for those children. We would give up on our relationships with each other just to ensure our children got all the things they needed. As mothers and fathers we stop meeting our own needs, especially when it comes to our relationships. Well as I was actually taking some much needed quiet time alone this evening, I realized it is the same with the Lord. We start out as children and praise the Lord and then as we grow older sometimes things fade. We tend to give up practices that we were doing. We just tend to forget to build things into our routines, especially as our routines change.
This is my biggest downfall in life! I can't seem to stick to things long enough to build it into a routine. When I was doing a training for work I learned that doing something 7 times makes it learned but doing something 17 times makes it a habit. Now if I could just get myself to exercise 17 straight days in a row or read from my bible 17 straight days in a row then I will be right on track with things. ( I don't see this stuff happening). I give of myself to others around me first! I would rather do things for other people than do something for myself. I simply stress myself out trying to please other people. How many of you do the same thing? We simply can't stress ourselves out anymore. I have to start looking at my day to day routines and cutting something out! I just have to give myself time to do something for me! Whether that is a little reading or crafting or just writing my blog. I have to accept that my children will take up much of my time but if it means waking up earlier or going to bed later then I need to start taking the ten minutes to do something for me to continue to build my relationship with the Lord. With God we can do anything including motherhood and fatherhood. Parenting is the hardest job that God has created. I have not found any easy part to it yet. I find myself praying for strength everyday when I am tired because of lack of sleep, or sore but the kids want to play, or even just annoyed because I have heard the word mommy a gazillion times in the day. God has not failed me yet, but I have failed him. We need to get back into our childhood routines, and make God important. I want my children to see that I value my relationship with the Lord and their father. I want my children to know that it takes a lot of work and dedication, but there is a much bigger payoff in the end. Our payoff is not here on earth but when we move on to be with the Lord.
I think we all should start to challenge ourselves with new routines. I know we are well into 2014 and many of us have already given up on our resolutions, but we still have 10 months left to make good on our "new" routines and our new lifestyles. I know it is going to be hard but like I said before 7 times we have a learned behavior 17 times and we have a habit. So give yourself 17 straight days to build new habits into your routines. Don't forget to ask the Lord for Strength. It says in Psalms 18:1-3 "I love you Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold. I will call on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, for he saves me from my enemies. The Lord tells us he is our rock and he is able to support us through anything and keep us safe from all our enemies. Sometimes our enemies are us as we try to sabotage our new routines, but if we just keep praying for strength the Lord will help us when the temptation to sabotage ourselves start. As a final word, Be strong with the Lord's mighty power Ephesians 6:10. Whatever your "New" routines desire to be, make sure you do it all with the Lord and ask him for the strength to get you through 17 straight days of challenges and changes and the many more days after that!
Good luck and God Bless You all,
Amanda
This is my biggest downfall in life! I can't seem to stick to things long enough to build it into a routine. When I was doing a training for work I learned that doing something 7 times makes it learned but doing something 17 times makes it a habit. Now if I could just get myself to exercise 17 straight days in a row or read from my bible 17 straight days in a row then I will be right on track with things. ( I don't see this stuff happening). I give of myself to others around me first! I would rather do things for other people than do something for myself. I simply stress myself out trying to please other people. How many of you do the same thing? We simply can't stress ourselves out anymore. I have to start looking at my day to day routines and cutting something out! I just have to give myself time to do something for me! Whether that is a little reading or crafting or just writing my blog. I have to accept that my children will take up much of my time but if it means waking up earlier or going to bed later then I need to start taking the ten minutes to do something for me to continue to build my relationship with the Lord. With God we can do anything including motherhood and fatherhood. Parenting is the hardest job that God has created. I have not found any easy part to it yet. I find myself praying for strength everyday when I am tired because of lack of sleep, or sore but the kids want to play, or even just annoyed because I have heard the word mommy a gazillion times in the day. God has not failed me yet, but I have failed him. We need to get back into our childhood routines, and make God important. I want my children to see that I value my relationship with the Lord and their father. I want my children to know that it takes a lot of work and dedication, but there is a much bigger payoff in the end. Our payoff is not here on earth but when we move on to be with the Lord.
I think we all should start to challenge ourselves with new routines. I know we are well into 2014 and many of us have already given up on our resolutions, but we still have 10 months left to make good on our "new" routines and our new lifestyles. I know it is going to be hard but like I said before 7 times we have a learned behavior 17 times and we have a habit. So give yourself 17 straight days to build new habits into your routines. Don't forget to ask the Lord for Strength. It says in Psalms 18:1-3 "I love you Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold. I will call on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, for he saves me from my enemies. The Lord tells us he is our rock and he is able to support us through anything and keep us safe from all our enemies. Sometimes our enemies are us as we try to sabotage our new routines, but if we just keep praying for strength the Lord will help us when the temptation to sabotage ourselves start. As a final word, Be strong with the Lord's mighty power Ephesians 6:10. Whatever your "New" routines desire to be, make sure you do it all with the Lord and ask him for the strength to get you through 17 straight days of challenges and changes and the many more days after that!
Good luck and God Bless You all,
Amanda
Friday, February 7, 2014
The Hard Truth...
Talk about this new lifestyle being hard! I have a hard time controlling the temptations that my family puts in front of me. I just can't help the fact that sometimes I want an Italian Sausage or Vension Sausage, or some other kind of yummy fattening food. I must admit the food I am choosing to eat is expensive, time consuming to prepare, and at times not the most appealing. I am having a hard time maintaining this considering I don't grocery shop very often and at times I despise cooking and trying new food. However, I will continue because I feel that the weight loss is helping a little bit and I am looking forward to continuing to lose more. I just hate how difficult this is. I guess nobody said this is going to be easy but I have to just keep praying for strength to get through this. I know that once I can get into the proper routine it will only get easier to continue.
Not only is this new lifestyle I am choosing to be on hard but so is being a stay at home mommy. Especially a stay at home mommy that sometimes just doesn't feel good. The last two days have been extremely tough. I just couldn't nor did I want to do anything. I have been logging my symptoms and my moods and I have found that the birth control pill and my symptoms match up. I am noticing the changes based on certain days in the pack. How ironic is that? I am finally able to put two and two together and hopefully after my follow up appointment in Altoona on Monday I will be able to have some more answers. I know I am having a hard time with the neurologist returning my calls. I am hoping that things will work out! I can only hope right? This whole not feeling good and trying to be a mommy that takes care of the kids and the house has been extremely hard and not to mention this week I am trying to make a banner, clean the house, and make a cake for my foster daughter's birthday. I just hope I have the ambition and the will power to do it all. Last weekend I spent time creating a small craft and my worry jar! I utilized that today. I am giving all my worries to God today because I have some. I know that with him I can get through this. With him I can continue to make my own baby wipes, my own laundry soap and whatever else I can find that "you can do yourself." I am working hard at saving my pennies. I need to at this point. I am a stay at home mommy with limited money and I need to budget every last cent we have so that we can provide things for our family. I am learning all kinds of new things....how to make laundry soap, dish soap, chalkboard paint (this is my favorite must say), and other different types of things in the home. I have been making my own baby wipes for several weeks now and my little man with what I thought was "Chronic diaper rash" has not had many problems on his bum for several weeks!!! That makes for one happy baby, one happy mama and dada as we are saving some money! I am thinking I should start sharing some of the wonderful things I am learning! God is really amazing and after reading several passages out of the bible (yes I am behind on reading the bible every day for a year) but I am still reading it and I am finding out a lot about God and his glorious ways. God is amazing and he will help me through my days when I sick and when I am feeling good. He can do all that for all of you as well. God is truly wonderful! With all that I am trying to do here at home this weekend, he has still laid a new idea on my heart and I just can't wait to work on it! I am hoping that it will be something I can make for others as well once I am finished with it! I will post pictures in my next blog of some of things I am working on! I want to start sharing things with you guys. You are all so special to me and I hope that I can inspire you to take on different challenges with a strong heart and mind but especially a strong desire to follow God.
This life is proving to be tough, but I know that God is carrying me through especially as I continue to seek him out more everyday. I can't wait to show you pictures of the cake and of my creations over the next week! They are turning out to be better than I thought!
God Bless each of you reading tonight and remember this.... Even though life is hard, God makes it so much easier!
Amanda
Not only is this new lifestyle I am choosing to be on hard but so is being a stay at home mommy. Especially a stay at home mommy that sometimes just doesn't feel good. The last two days have been extremely tough. I just couldn't nor did I want to do anything. I have been logging my symptoms and my moods and I have found that the birth control pill and my symptoms match up. I am noticing the changes based on certain days in the pack. How ironic is that? I am finally able to put two and two together and hopefully after my follow up appointment in Altoona on Monday I will be able to have some more answers. I know I am having a hard time with the neurologist returning my calls. I am hoping that things will work out! I can only hope right? This whole not feeling good and trying to be a mommy that takes care of the kids and the house has been extremely hard and not to mention this week I am trying to make a banner, clean the house, and make a cake for my foster daughter's birthday. I just hope I have the ambition and the will power to do it all. Last weekend I spent time creating a small craft and my worry jar! I utilized that today. I am giving all my worries to God today because I have some. I know that with him I can get through this. With him I can continue to make my own baby wipes, my own laundry soap and whatever else I can find that "you can do yourself." I am working hard at saving my pennies. I need to at this point. I am a stay at home mommy with limited money and I need to budget every last cent we have so that we can provide things for our family. I am learning all kinds of new things....how to make laundry soap, dish soap, chalkboard paint (this is my favorite must say), and other different types of things in the home. I have been making my own baby wipes for several weeks now and my little man with what I thought was "Chronic diaper rash" has not had many problems on his bum for several weeks!!! That makes for one happy baby, one happy mama and dada as we are saving some money! I am thinking I should start sharing some of the wonderful things I am learning! God is really amazing and after reading several passages out of the bible (yes I am behind on reading the bible every day for a year) but I am still reading it and I am finding out a lot about God and his glorious ways. God is amazing and he will help me through my days when I sick and when I am feeling good. He can do all that for all of you as well. God is truly wonderful! With all that I am trying to do here at home this weekend, he has still laid a new idea on my heart and I just can't wait to work on it! I am hoping that it will be something I can make for others as well once I am finished with it! I will post pictures in my next blog of some of things I am working on! I want to start sharing things with you guys. You are all so special to me and I hope that I can inspire you to take on different challenges with a strong heart and mind but especially a strong desire to follow God.
This life is proving to be tough, but I know that God is carrying me through especially as I continue to seek him out more everyday. I can't wait to show you pictures of the cake and of my creations over the next week! They are turning out to be better than I thought!
God Bless each of you reading tonight and remember this.... Even though life is hard, God makes it so much easier!
Amanda
Sunday, January 19, 2014
The New Year!
The New Year has turned out to have an amazing start! I am excited to say that I am successfully utilizing the Eat to Live program. I love that I have lost 9 pounds so far and it is only the 19th of January. I have struggled with the Exercising part as my body is not cooperating. My headaches have intensified and so have my neck and back pains. I have contacted the Drs., but no one has returned my calls. I am going to continue to push myself. How does that saying go...No pain, No gain! If we all want to strive for our goals then we have to work hard for it. I am hoping to continue to work hard throughout this year. I know what I want in this life and I need to continue to work hard at it. I think the only thing that is getting me through at this point is my trust in God. God is my rock and I am currently learning how to have more faith through daily devotions and a faith challenge and I want to share some of my new found knowledge with you!
How many times have we all heard the sayings, "have a little faith" or "keep the faith." I know I hear those things all the time and at times I have to wonder what exactly is faith. Do I really have faith? I know that I consider myself a christian, but do I really have faith that God will get me through this life? My initial answer is absolutely not! I, in no means have any faith that God can get my family through. I worry every single day that something could happen. Like we can't afford our student loan bills at times....I have no faith God can help with that. Or how about my health. I have lost faith that God would help me with that in the last several months. So for me this faith challenge is going to be hard, it is going to be a challenge, and it is going to test my limits. I have to just keep moving forward. Essentially I need to figure out what faith is. I need to learn to trust that God knows what he wants me to do with my life and that even though I can't afford my student loan bills now, someday I will be provided the ability to pay for them. I have to stop and think to myself what can I do, how can I understand God and his intentions more, and how can I act to keep my life Christian and faithful.
Being a Christian and being faithful entangle alot more than just helping others and going to church and reading the bible. I need to stop the worry, anxiety, depression, scared feelings, and anger when things don't go the way I want them to go. I need to start letting God direct my life. I said this was not going to be easy for me...I like to be in control but I have to trust that he will carry me. My favorite and most read "story" or poem as a kid was "Footprints in the Sand." How many of you have seen that in your grandparents' homes or other older adults? I was able to get my great-grandmothers plaque and I have it hung in my dining room. I know the poem by heart. The guy is worried and he had asked God to help him but when he went through the sand there was only one set of footprints. God then explains to him that he carried him through. That poem or story (not sure what it really is) would be considered "faith." This is what I need to have. I need to have trust in God that he will carry me through everything. So where I know this new lifestyle is hard and challenging, I know that God is going to carry me through. I know that I would not have lost a pound a day without God. I know that God has had to be with me in order to resist my urges to just eat what my family is eating. I know that God has had to be with me when I am exercising because my body is killing me a couple hours later but while I am working out I feel so happy and healthy. I have to continue with this life and keep praying that the lord will bless my choices and my path in life. So I have to be the man on the beach. I have to have trust that God will carry me through the things I cannot see yet. That is having faith. The Bible states in Hebrews 11:1 What is faith? It is the confident assurance that we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot see. I am going to need to be confident in what the lord is doing with my life. I know that at the end of the day I pray, make decisions, and hope for the best but I also worry about all my decisions. I have to stop the worry. So as part of my faith challenge...I am starting a "worry jar" and I challenge you to do the same. From now on if I start to worry about something it will go into the jar and God will carry it from there! If you are like me and worry alot about your kids, finances, life, health, spouse, etc....let God hold those worries for you. If I can do this, anyone can do this. Put yourself out there and have faith in the things we cannot see! God Bless everyone and I hope your 2014 is starting off as good as mine.
God Bless,
Amanda
Ps. Friends I pray that each of you have a wonderful week and that the Lord blesses each of you in your own way. Good luck with all your endeavors and I hope to be writing more with my new so called "stay at home mommy" status. Talk to you all soon! Keep the Faith!!
How many times have we all heard the sayings, "have a little faith" or "keep the faith." I know I hear those things all the time and at times I have to wonder what exactly is faith. Do I really have faith? I know that I consider myself a christian, but do I really have faith that God will get me through this life? My initial answer is absolutely not! I, in no means have any faith that God can get my family through. I worry every single day that something could happen. Like we can't afford our student loan bills at times....I have no faith God can help with that. Or how about my health. I have lost faith that God would help me with that in the last several months. So for me this faith challenge is going to be hard, it is going to be a challenge, and it is going to test my limits. I have to just keep moving forward. Essentially I need to figure out what faith is. I need to learn to trust that God knows what he wants me to do with my life and that even though I can't afford my student loan bills now, someday I will be provided the ability to pay for them. I have to stop and think to myself what can I do, how can I understand God and his intentions more, and how can I act to keep my life Christian and faithful.
Being a Christian and being faithful entangle alot more than just helping others and going to church and reading the bible. I need to stop the worry, anxiety, depression, scared feelings, and anger when things don't go the way I want them to go. I need to start letting God direct my life. I said this was not going to be easy for me...I like to be in control but I have to trust that he will carry me. My favorite and most read "story" or poem as a kid was "Footprints in the Sand." How many of you have seen that in your grandparents' homes or other older adults? I was able to get my great-grandmothers plaque and I have it hung in my dining room. I know the poem by heart. The guy is worried and he had asked God to help him but when he went through the sand there was only one set of footprints. God then explains to him that he carried him through. That poem or story (not sure what it really is) would be considered "faith." This is what I need to have. I need to have trust in God that he will carry me through everything. So where I know this new lifestyle is hard and challenging, I know that God is going to carry me through. I know that I would not have lost a pound a day without God. I know that God has had to be with me in order to resist my urges to just eat what my family is eating. I know that God has had to be with me when I am exercising because my body is killing me a couple hours later but while I am working out I feel so happy and healthy. I have to continue with this life and keep praying that the lord will bless my choices and my path in life. So I have to be the man on the beach. I have to have trust that God will carry me through the things I cannot see yet. That is having faith. The Bible states in Hebrews 11:1 What is faith? It is the confident assurance that we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot see. I am going to need to be confident in what the lord is doing with my life. I know that at the end of the day I pray, make decisions, and hope for the best but I also worry about all my decisions. I have to stop the worry. So as part of my faith challenge...I am starting a "worry jar" and I challenge you to do the same. From now on if I start to worry about something it will go into the jar and God will carry it from there! If you are like me and worry alot about your kids, finances, life, health, spouse, etc....let God hold those worries for you. If I can do this, anyone can do this. Put yourself out there and have faith in the things we cannot see! God Bless everyone and I hope your 2014 is starting off as good as mine.
God Bless,
Amanda
Ps. Friends I pray that each of you have a wonderful week and that the Lord blesses each of you in your own way. Good luck with all your endeavors and I hope to be writing more with my new so called "stay at home mommy" status. Talk to you all soon! Keep the Faith!!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
A New Year, A New Set of Challenges, and A New Mind Set
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Well as I sit here on the last day of 2013 and watch the kids play together I reflect on the year as a whole. I am not sure if it was a good year for me personally, but I know that it was a year that will make me stronger as a person. As a family we welcomed two separate foster children in to our home and one still remains and we couldn't ask for a better family structure at this point. We were able to take a family vacation, I continued to work as hard as I possibly could with all my health issues and I still strived to be the best I could be, but at the end of the day my health won out. After seeing the first neurologist and being told I simply have fibromyalgia, my doctor and I wanted a second opinion. So off to Pittsburgh I went right before Christmas and that neurologist is thinking I have a disorder called PsuedoTumor cerebi. My body is producing too much spinal fluid causing similiar effects of a brain tumor. This diagnosis online finally made sense to me and described everything I was trying to tell the first neurologist and he just wasn’t listening. So after the first of the year I will be having some procedures done to possibly relieve the pain and pressure I get! Yay! I am excited for that part as I am tired of not sleeping at night or having nerve problems. I am hoping that I am one of those cases where they remove the spinal fluid one time and all problems are cured and there is no flare ups again. Wouldn’t that just be the best outcome for me. These issues have really taken a big toll on me these last couple months to the point where I have trouble seeing and using the right side of my body. I had to make the choice to leave my full time employment. I need the ability right now to just sit when I am tired and to work at my own pace. I know that staying home with the boys will be out of my comfort zone a little bit but at the end of the day I am excited to say I am a stay at home mommy and starting out 2014 that way relieves a lot of worries. I know that there will be a TON of struggles we will face in the upcoming year but at this point I need to focus on me. If I can focus on me for a little while then I can become the best mom that I know I can be.
So for the year 2014 I am going to make some changes with me….I am going to change the way I eat, change the way I view life and begin to focus on my relationship with the lord more. I have lost a lot faith in this past year but I don’t want it to slow me down anymore. I am going to start out strong. I have gotten some bible studies ready and have thought about how to organize and structure my days so that I am able to spend some time alone to focus on the Lord and me. I would like to encourage all of you to do this as well. Time alone with the Lord is valuable for all of us and it can really start to change the way we all feel. I am hoping that this time and this diet change will begin to help my problems in their own way. I have everything all lined up and ready to go and I am going to “Eat to Live” and pray a whole heck of a lot. I am vowing not to have any resolutions this year. I am going to have the lord carry me through 2014 as he sees fit. I am just going to do what he asks. The only thing I am going to do is change the way I eat….I am going to eat more fruits and vegetables, less bread and no sugar (pray for me here). I am cutting out dairy and I am going to start to do moderate exercise so that I can hopefully regain some strength back in my right side. I am and will continue to work towards running a marathon. I have not forgotten that goal yet! I am still determined to get there with the support of my family I know I can. So my friends don’t waste today making resolutions, we will hate ourselves in the February when we have broken them. Just vow to live out the year 2014 with the grace and help of the Lord. He really does carry us through this life.
The verse at the top of this post says it all. I knew I had to share it all with you when I read it on my “verse of the day” It said everything I wanted to say to myself. I needed to see that I or you should not be afraid for the upcoming year. The Lord is going to get us through the highs and the lows. So don’t fret on the year 2013 it is all over and we are all moving on to the next year. We are all here one more day and for a reason. Keep your heads up high and keep striving for happiness in your goals!
Happy New Year Everyone and May God Bless you all in the upcoming year!
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Talk about a challenge!
When I started this blog I never once expected the Lord to step in and stop me from meeting the Challenges that I set forth for myself. I set out to work on four challenges: run a marathon, read the bible, lose weight while living a healthy lifestyle, and to go back to school to obtain some more certification in behavior. Here I am 7 months later, completely struggling with every day life and my faith. When I last wrote I talked about problems with my shoulder and how I could not run my first 5K because of the doctor's orders. Well my friends that was back in October and I feel as if I have dropped off the planet, because essentially I have. I feel as if I have been a robot just going through the motions that last few months. This shoulder problem has completely turned into so much more and at this point I have had to attend more medical appointments and see more specialists that I cannot even tell you what doctor I am seeing anymore. Unfortunately, I still have no answers, no treatment, and no understanding as to why my body is progressively breaking down and losing strength. I have trouble holding my own children, today I barely made it into church holding Logan. Talk about frustrating and making me want to cry, but this is my life. I have heard the medical terms Lupus, Lymes, Disease, RA, Scardosis, and MS in the last three months. I have had MRIs, nerve testing, bloodwork, and x-rays done. All reporting to be normal. Again talk about frustrating. I finally will see the neurologist on Tuesday and I am hoping that I might get some kind of answers. The specialist I saw last week was somewhat positive my problems were not from arthritis, but more nuerological....leading to the lymes, MS, or scardosis categories. I have been tested for lymes disease already so that is ruled out from the bloodwork standpoint. At this point I have daily struggles with every task and I have lost my faith in doctors and the longer the pain and headaches and all the other symptoms get worse I lose faith in God. I am seriously struggling with his plan for me at this point in my life. I was so ready to run a marathon in March and was exercising and really working on my healthy lifestyle and losing weight. Now I can barely carry my 1 year old son and handle my every day tasks as a mother, wife, and employee. So I have had to make decisions that really I didn't want to make, but I need to for my well being. I actually stepped back and looked at myself for five minutes, said a prayer to the Lord, requested to go on the prayer chain, and BAM.....I quit my job! I realized I can't work full time and try to be a mom too when I can barely function after a day at work. This was the most difficult decision I made in the last five months. As the sole provider of good health insurance at a cost we could afford....I didn't want to quit, but I had to walk away. Now with 2014 approaching I have no clue what I will be doing with my life, but I do know one thing, I will be home with my children and I will be able to focus on doing things for me by exercising and eating healthy. I am also going to spend more time focusing on my Blog because I have really started to focus on praying again and I think I have finally gotten a better understanding of what The Lord wants for me. He really wants me to be challenged and to show people that even though he gave me this challenge I will eventually come out on top (at least that is what I am hoping). I eventually will get to do a marathon....maybe not 26 miles but I will get to do one. I will dig deep and find my faith again and start to reach for the bible again and pray daily. And I will lose weight, actually I have been losing weight without really trying because in the last three weeks my appetite has decreased and I can't eat that much especially during the work week when I am moving around alot. I will over come the challenges and will rise to the challenge. I know that the only way I am going to get through this is with continued support from family and friends and some prayers from others. I know there is a purpose for me but right now I need to focus on getting through one day at time and managing my health. So hopefully Tuesday I will learn what is truly wrong or be on some sort of path for treatment so that I can live my life again and be who I want to be. So friends I ask for you to put me in your prayers this week and upcoming weeks as I learn what is wrong and have to make decisions for treatment. I will also try to become more involved here and get back into my faith more!
I pray that God blesses each and every one of you this holiday season and blesses you as we enter 2014.
Amanda
Sunday, September 22, 2013
A New Way of Life.....
Has anyone ever wondered why there is such evil in the world? Think about all the negativity we see on a daily basis. Right now we have issues in Syria, soldiers not getting the mental health help they deserve and need so they turn around and kill people, people constantly fighting and killing each other, bullying in our schools, and the overall health of individuals is a negative thing we hear about constantly. How can we fix this? Would a new president help, would acts of kindness being spread help, or would looking to God help? Does anyone really know the answers to all of problems? Of Course God knows how all these actions and lifestyle will play out for all of us, but why is this negativity not changing any of us? What will it take for us to reach inside ourselves and change who we are?
I know in my own life I have hit some disappointments and pulled away from the Lord. After seeing all the hurt in the last couple weeks just with in our own little county I have decided I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to and need to work my faith back into my life on a more daily basis and essentially "suck it up" and do what the Lord wants me to do not what I want to do. I know I am not the "perfect" Christian and trust me I have no intention to become all out perfect Christian either. I do not attend church every Sunday, I don't read the bible everyday, and unfortunately we just cannot afford to give 10% of our income to the church as a tithe. I do however try to make a point to pray nightly with my children and read the bible a couple times a week and give freely of my time to the church. I feel teaching my children the importance of the Lord early will help instill faith in them and then they can have someone to reach out to when they have problems. Sometimes the power of prayer goes a long way and I want my children to realize this especially as I continue to work with them on praying for people that are hurt. I know one thing I struggle with is teaching them to pray for themselves. I work so hard on teaching them to pray for others when they are hurt, but I forget sometimes we need to pray for ourselves. I know I struggle to pray for me when I need it. Maybe this is why I have felt like I pulled back from my faith more in the last couple months.
These last few months I have hit road block after road block with working towards my goals. Sometimes it is just a matter of time, however my ability to run a marathon is up in the air right now. I recently went through an EMG (nerve test) and what the doctor found was that I have stressed nerve up in my neck. Well months of physical therapy will never heal the injury but can help relieve the symptoms. He then talked to me about my running and the constant repetition will put a lot of stress on my injury. I was very frustrated when I was leaving his office, and my mindset at the time was "I will show these doctors." Don't get me wrong this is still my mindset but first thing is first I will do my research and see how to effectively help my injury plus do the physical therapy. Then I am going to take control of my body back. I am no longer going to let my body control me. Along with gaining control of my body I have becoming more active in praying to God for guidance for me. I can't do this on my own, I know that my mind is not strong enough. I will seriously talk myself out of everything and tell myself I can't do stuff so I need God to carry me through this. So even though my goals have to be revisited and probably reconfigured, I am more than willing to change my lifestyle and my mindset till I can effectively achieve my goals. The doctor suggested instead of a full out marathon I set my sights on a Triathlon. I told him I would consider this as well. He explained that I could really damage my nerves if I did the constant pounding that comes with running for the whole 27 miles. I have come to accept what I heard a couple weeks ago now and am ready to do something about it. I however, am continuing to struggle with us as a society. I am finding that there is too much hurt in the world. I sometimes just want to cry when I see the news. I get tired of hearing all this negativity and I have to wonder what type of a world am I raising my kids in? I am scared for their future. Will they even have a future? As I was thinking about the world and what type of society we live in I started to think about the book of Proverbs. I sat down one night and just started at the beginning. I wanted to read the instructions of the Lord. If I could sit here and write out the whole chapter of Proverbs I would. Let me tell you, WE HAVE LOST SIGHT OF WHAT THE LORD INTENDED FOR US. I was stunned to read some of his instructions and then thought about my own life. At one point as I was reading about debts, all I could think was "college loans really go against what the lord wanted for us" or "I feel like such an idiot for even going to college and putting myself in this type of financial instability." Then I got to instructions about worries and interactions and so much more and I felt liberated. I picked out two verses that stuck with me that night that I thought fit all of us at this moment in time.
Proverbs 12:25 -Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
Thinking about that...we could all just start saying something positive to people, even if it was just one person per day. Think about how the cycle would continue. I know that in my own life I have to really work on this.
Proverbs 16:9 - We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
This stuck with me when I was thinking about the struggles I am facing with my goals. I chose what I wanted to do and I tried to work out how I was going to get there, but the Lord had another set of steps for me instead. I guess now I need to follow his plan because mine did not work. From here on out I am just going to do what my body can do in a day and at the end of the day, I am just going to accept what I got done. I hope that I will be able to get all that I want done in a day done, but only the Lord determines that.
I know that with the support of my caring husband and my family and the Lord I am going to reach the top of the mountain where I will find the ultimate happiness. I know that at some point I will change the world of one person and I will enjoy the life I am living now.
Here is to finding a new way of life for all of us. I can't do this alone. I know if we want the negativity to stop then we all have to work together to find the positive and only strive to keep moving in that direction. So here we go! One step at time.........
I know in my own life I have hit some disappointments and pulled away from the Lord. After seeing all the hurt in the last couple weeks just with in our own little county I have decided I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to and need to work my faith back into my life on a more daily basis and essentially "suck it up" and do what the Lord wants me to do not what I want to do. I know I am not the "perfect" Christian and trust me I have no intention to become all out perfect Christian either. I do not attend church every Sunday, I don't read the bible everyday, and unfortunately we just cannot afford to give 10% of our income to the church as a tithe. I do however try to make a point to pray nightly with my children and read the bible a couple times a week and give freely of my time to the church. I feel teaching my children the importance of the Lord early will help instill faith in them and then they can have someone to reach out to when they have problems. Sometimes the power of prayer goes a long way and I want my children to realize this especially as I continue to work with them on praying for people that are hurt. I know one thing I struggle with is teaching them to pray for themselves. I work so hard on teaching them to pray for others when they are hurt, but I forget sometimes we need to pray for ourselves. I know I struggle to pray for me when I need it. Maybe this is why I have felt like I pulled back from my faith more in the last couple months.
These last few months I have hit road block after road block with working towards my goals. Sometimes it is just a matter of time, however my ability to run a marathon is up in the air right now. I recently went through an EMG (nerve test) and what the doctor found was that I have stressed nerve up in my neck. Well months of physical therapy will never heal the injury but can help relieve the symptoms. He then talked to me about my running and the constant repetition will put a lot of stress on my injury. I was very frustrated when I was leaving his office, and my mindset at the time was "I will show these doctors." Don't get me wrong this is still my mindset but first thing is first I will do my research and see how to effectively help my injury plus do the physical therapy. Then I am going to take control of my body back. I am no longer going to let my body control me. Along with gaining control of my body I have becoming more active in praying to God for guidance for me. I can't do this on my own, I know that my mind is not strong enough. I will seriously talk myself out of everything and tell myself I can't do stuff so I need God to carry me through this. So even though my goals have to be revisited and probably reconfigured, I am more than willing to change my lifestyle and my mindset till I can effectively achieve my goals. The doctor suggested instead of a full out marathon I set my sights on a Triathlon. I told him I would consider this as well. He explained that I could really damage my nerves if I did the constant pounding that comes with running for the whole 27 miles. I have come to accept what I heard a couple weeks ago now and am ready to do something about it. I however, am continuing to struggle with us as a society. I am finding that there is too much hurt in the world. I sometimes just want to cry when I see the news. I get tired of hearing all this negativity and I have to wonder what type of a world am I raising my kids in? I am scared for their future. Will they even have a future? As I was thinking about the world and what type of society we live in I started to think about the book of Proverbs. I sat down one night and just started at the beginning. I wanted to read the instructions of the Lord. If I could sit here and write out the whole chapter of Proverbs I would. Let me tell you, WE HAVE LOST SIGHT OF WHAT THE LORD INTENDED FOR US. I was stunned to read some of his instructions and then thought about my own life. At one point as I was reading about debts, all I could think was "college loans really go against what the lord wanted for us" or "I feel like such an idiot for even going to college and putting myself in this type of financial instability." Then I got to instructions about worries and interactions and so much more and I felt liberated. I picked out two verses that stuck with me that night that I thought fit all of us at this moment in time.
Proverbs 12:25 -Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
Thinking about that...we could all just start saying something positive to people, even if it was just one person per day. Think about how the cycle would continue. I know that in my own life I have to really work on this.
Proverbs 16:9 - We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
This stuck with me when I was thinking about the struggles I am facing with my goals. I chose what I wanted to do and I tried to work out how I was going to get there, but the Lord had another set of steps for me instead. I guess now I need to follow his plan because mine did not work. From here on out I am just going to do what my body can do in a day and at the end of the day, I am just going to accept what I got done. I hope that I will be able to get all that I want done in a day done, but only the Lord determines that.
I know that with the support of my caring husband and my family and the Lord I am going to reach the top of the mountain where I will find the ultimate happiness. I know that at some point I will change the world of one person and I will enjoy the life I am living now.
Here is to finding a new way of life for all of us. I can't do this alone. I know if we want the negativity to stop then we all have to work together to find the positive and only strive to keep moving in that direction. So here we go! One step at time.........
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