We Can Only Fail Forward!

I have this picture sitting on my mantle and I walk by a million times a day and it reminds me often that I can do all things through Christ.  Yesterday, I think I said these words a few times while picturing this exact picture up there on that mantle.  

Have you ever received that one phone call, text, or email that afterwards made you judge yourself afterwards? Most of the time we find ourselves judging others, but we are the most critical of ourselves and I am no different.  After one conversation the judgments towards myself started rolling off my tongue.  I walked by that picture ignoring the words continuing to judge my every move.  Am I really doing the steps right?  If I would have done this, then I would have what that person wants?  Maybe if I didn't do this, then I would have this and I would have what they need?  I was just cutting myself down and really there was no need for it.  So after a long drive, a few more choice words to myself, I arrived at my destination for the day... A place I have been traveling to for three weeks now to gain experience, knowledge, and all around support for the joy of teaching Therapeutic Riding.  It was my day to practice my lesson plan! EEEEEKKKKKK!!!! I was actually going to be the one leading a few of the lessons because I needed to start getting ready for not only teaching my own lessons here at home but also for my three-four day workshop! I was still judging myself for the first lesson, I kept telling myself I couldn't do it, I mean after all I had just drove two hours telling myself these things why would 20 minutes change that?  My first lesson.... fumbled! BIG TIME! A little confusion, my poor volunteer was even confused.  So with a little critiquing and support from my mentor who reminded me that my lesson plan was very good and that I just needed to do a few things, I stopped and thought about the picture on my mantle.  I thought you know what, that first lesson was a fail, but I am only going to fail forward and go through Christ.  I took a deep breath, asked for my strength, and I nailed lesson 2 and 3! I felt more confident and more relaxed.  I even asked the volunteer who was in lesson one for feedback and she felt much better in lesson 2 and 3.  I drove my two hours home feeling really good about what I was doing, and knew that even though I was not good enough for that person, I would be good enough for someone else.  

I don't want this organization to be huge or spectacular, I want to just do things for other people.  I have been told over and over again in the last year that it will never work, but today as I practiced riding the pattern for the workshop, I realized that its not about me, I was up on that horse because I want to be up there so I can help some other person learn how to do the same things I am learning.  I was missing my 3 year old's first karate class because I wanted to be learning new skills so I can teach someone else.  None of this has ever been about me and I have to realize that I am failing forward with each small step! So what if a person calls and wants to know if I am certified.  They don't know that the certification can take up to 2 years and I am not even a year in yet.  There is so much about the process that people don't know, and instead of asking questions most people stop the process after the question.  Sometimes I wish I could give all the details!  Instead I will probably continue to judge myself when I don't feel good enough, but hopefully remember to rely on Christ's Strength to get me through! Besides without him I probably wouldn't have gotten a cantar tonight :) (Sometimes it really is the small things that make us so happy yet it helps me continue to fail forward!) 

A dream, A goal, A purpose

How many days do we find ourselves on repeat?  Get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, have dinner, do homework with the kids, and then go to bed....repeat the next day.  Couples find that they cannot get out of the everyday routines and there is nothing new in their days.  Sometimes life is always just on repeat and many never feel as if life is fulfilling.  I know that feeling all too well. After leaving my full time job because finding a babysitter to match my work schedule was nearly impossible with two little kids we made the decision for me to stay home.  Life just became one big button of repeat! I craved more for my life and after a while I started to see the effects in my marriage and in my own personal health.  We are wired to crave a purpose, it is an innate instinct.  God created all of us with purpose, but how we all get there and what it is we may never know till we actually talk to him about it.

After months of running myself down, I made the decision that I was going to focus on The Lord and I was going to stop the repeat button.  Something needed to change, but I needed him to tell me what it was going to be.  So I started praying and just spending a few quiet minutes with him everyday.  Finally, I heard the words "you know your purpose and it's time."  It took a whole month after this for me to actually step forward to my husband or anyone else, but I knew 8 years ago what the Lord wanted me to do.  I was scared then and I was more than scared now.

My family has owned and operated a small farm for 116 years and this in it's own right has been a challenging feat, but my parents have started to talk about the "Next generation"..... My husband and Myself.  What do I want to do with the farm?  I knew it was my time to speak up! I want to create a place for Therapeutic riding, animal assisted activities and horticulture therapy.  HUH???  Was most of the looks except my husbands (he is a therapist too)! I want to bring in horses! Do I still want to keep my family's heritage (ABSOLUTELY!!!), so everything remains separated and the nonprofit is only able to lease portions of land for a restricted amount of horses :) This is important to me, but I wanted to bring in something new, something that gives back to others in a way that not everyone has ever thought about.

So in October of 2014, I started the hardest process I have ever gone through in my life! With the help of so many other individuals and organizations, I wrote a business plan.  I did not attend business school :( Looking back I think I should have minored in it! Thank goodness for all my friends with business degrees :).  I chose to follow my heart and by December of 2014 God was telling me I was on the right path because two horses were walking in the barn as a rescue right before Christmas! As things began to progress, a lot of people told me there was no way this could be done, then my family and myself was run through the mud on social media.  The negativity was hard to swallow, but I just continued to pray that things would be alright and that God wanted me to do this.  As brochures got out and newspaper articles and even public speaking events happened, donations came in.  As I prayed one night that I didn't think sessions would be possible by spring of 2016 because just not enough money came in off a fundraiser, I was feeling like a failure.  The next day a Big donation arrived and the arena was built! I couldn't believe how much God was providing for the organization.  I constantly feel blessed by God in every aspect.  Just when I couldn't find a PATH mentor, I was finally able to get in contact with someone and I am now traveling to Slippery Rock two days a week for training! I am so grateful that I finally took the steps to fulfill my purpose, just by listening to what I was told 8 years ago in that college classroom! God tells us things at random times if we are truly listening with all our heart.  I am thankful I was listening back then because it changed the entire course of my whole life.  However, I think that in the next couple weeks, my life is about to get a whole lot sweeter because I too will once again be "back in the saddle" of helping others just in a whole new role!

For the LOVE of Life.....

"Love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of LOVE."  - 2 John 1: 6

I love spring! I mean who doesn't?  It is simply a time of year when "new" things are coming.  Many people always say focus on your goals at the very beginning of the year, I always like to refocus around Spring.  You just get this new sense of love for life since new life is born.  Spring is the time of year on the farm when the new lambs, chicks, and calves, foals, etc are born.  It is just a new beginning.  One that I just enjoy.  

I find this time of year in my life the ultimate time where I can finally begin to express myself again.  Sometimes those winter blues catch me off guard and I find myself dragging, but then Spring time rolls around the sun starts shining and I start waking up.  I love that.  Not sure if my Husband does yet because then his list gets longer, and the housework never gets done because I am outside! But God commanded us to "live a life of Love."  and when I read that the other night in my devotions I had to wonder about Love! 

What is Love?  I just said I love spring, but I love summer too! How do I love them both?  I love God, my kids, my husband, my family and I certainly love to serve and help others.  HMMMMM.... I guess if I was commanded to live a life of LOVE, wouldn't I be doing just that?  I just don't know because can I love spring as much as I love God?  Now that is an interesting question to ponder.  So when I pondered all this the other night I realized Love really is just an emotion we feel about something.  I can truly have strong emotions about alot of things in this world, but I can never truly Live a life of LOVE the way I am commanded unless I follow my creator's desire for me.  The Lord has set us all here for a purpose.  I am so blessed I recognized mine.  Is it a struggle to be successful at it, ABSOLUTELY! Will it be worth it?  I hope so.  But that is for the Lord to decide.  I know that when I actually decided to follow his path doors closed but doors opened.  It's the doors that opened that are wonderful.  So tonight as I struggle to write a grant, or keep up on my housework, or even do some media marketing, I know that all the things I do I do for the greater good and I thank the Lord everyday for letting me wake up and continue on this path.  I must say that the blessings so far are incredible and I can't wait to continue to share them with you all :) 

Have a blessed Evening and remember to go out and live your life in LOVE.  You will be happy you did. 

A New Day.... A New Challenge

"We are weak...yet by God's power we will live with him to serve you." - 2 Corinthians 13:4 

Over the last couple weeks, I have been trying to figure out what I needed to do to get back on track with my goals! You see, I really have found myself weak in the last several weeks.  The New Year came and I barely made any resolutions.  That is not like me.  I never once chose to make any new goals for the year and I found myself falling into a slump.  Just going through the motions.  I would pray to God everyday that things need to change with me, yet what effort was I putting into it.  I put little to no effort into anything.  I would try to serve the Lord the way I thought he wanted me to serve him, but was I really SERVING him?
I found myself in a slump! I needed to get out.  The only way I knew how was to pray harder and listen.  So I just finally told God, how I was feeling. I told him that I was anxious, scared, feeling a little nervous about things, and in the end I was just a little unsure.  Where did it I find myself?  Thinking about Goals and how I could really serve the Lord with all My heart!
Now in my life I need accountability, I mean don't you?  I also learned that writing down Goals and having people see them makes us more accountable for them.  It makes it scarier, but more accountable.  If we don't have God and Goals then what do we have?  That is my motto what now! I was just moving about the world really in my "stay at home mommy" bubble with no goals! I was not finding myself accomplishing anything!! I need to accomplish something! God is my light so I need him to help me accomplish these things or I will fail! So as of February 1, 2016, I am starting some long term and short term goals that will probably shock you all! I no longer want to be weak!!! I know longer want to be the "nice one"! And I certainly want to serve others :)

Now before I write down these goals... If many of you look at my very last post on this blog from 2014 it talks about my business plan processing that I was writing! If you can all believe it I finished that business plan, and now officially have started the nonprofit!!! YES...SEE GOD IS AMAZING! We are getting ready to start another fundraiser to build a pen to complete sessions in this spring/summer and fall!!! I know I can't believe it but that is where life took me!
So yes goals can be accomplished but we must always be working on them! We must never grow weak or we will find ourselves falling off the horse *Literally* So let's all dream big together and hold each other accountable! Here is to a year of amazing opportunities and talking about what it is like to serve and give back in more ways than one! With that being said here are my crazy, ridiculous, goals for the next 3-6 months! If it takes me a year to get there at least I am still trying.  I don't want to lose sight of the Lord being the one that is guiding my progress! 

CRAZY RIDICULOUS GOALS FOR 2016 

When I first decided to establish a nonprofit organization for Therapeutic Horseback riding/animal assisted therapy and Horticulture therapy I knew there was going to be many hurdles.  I chose one of those hurdles would be for me to get lots of experience on horses.  I had never taking a spill off of a horse nor done years worth of riding.  But in the last year I have had a great amount of teaching given to me! Including today :) As I picked myself up from the ground, I realized that my goals were coming full circle but I was not with them! Mainly because the horse was not underneath anymore.   I have fully accomplished my goal of learning what it feels like to fall off a horse, and tomorrow you can bet a saddle will go back on and I will get back on that horse! *If cleared by Dr. Husband*   However, not only do I want to get back on that horse, but I want to be able to write grants and actually GET TWO this year! I wrote three last year to no avail! This year I want to actually get at least two grants that I write! I say two because I know I will at least triple how many I apply for this year! I also want to raise at least 10% of the building funds this year!!! Wouldn't that be AWESOME!!! I would love to see that building go up so that we can actually have indoor sessions and serve the community the best way possible, but if it doesn't happen this year, we will at least have a start! I also would like to be able to bring in two mini horses and one more full size horse for the program depending on cost and fundraising capability!  I feel these would be great additions to the 4H program that will begin in March and I am so grateful that Big Maple Farm's Natural Therapies, Inc. is a place for the community to grow! 

Now my other set of crazy ridiculous goals! In July of last year I was able to find Usborne Books & More, a children's book publishing company that thrives on Direct selling.  At the time I was looking for something that I could use to support my family for me since I would need to be home to run the organization too.  So I decided to jump on board.  I must say it has not been easy but nothing ever is.  I am ok with that.  So as I try each month to meet the goals, I find myself struggling to meet them.  For me it is not about the money that this could provide for my family as it is about what this company does for other kids.  The quality of books is amazing and the way my kids love them, I have just developed a passion for them.  So, I want to start meeting goals.  I want to start sharing my passion more because these books can give kids a good start and it is important to encourage reading in a little ones life.  So when I first started 2016 out it was my goal to give FREE books to a deserving family every month this year. Not through a party or anything like that.  Books I bought or I got through my rewards! I gave books away last month to a young boy with cancer who spends long hours in the hospital! I don't know who will be blessed this month yet but I am sure someone will.  Now, I realize I need to make bigger and better goals than that! I need to really let people know what these books are all about.  So I would like to have at least 1 party per week (home, catalog, or virtual party)! If I can get one party per week I am sharing literacy with a lot of families! That is something I will feel honored to do! My other goal is to have at least 1 recruit by March (Yes I would love to actually have someone join me!) Wouldn't that be so awesome.  I would also like to have at least 1 School and 1 library work with me this summer!!! Why?  Because kids need to read during the summer so they can retain what they learned!  Now for my crazy ridiculous and out of this reach goal that I don't think I could ever get....I would like to earn the vacation Next year for ME AND MY HUSBAND FOR OUR 10 YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! Like I said I might be dreaming here folks! That is a lot of books to sell or at least to get a big team under me! CRAZY! I am seriously CRAZY! 

But I have all the belief in the world that these books are awesome and I love what I do! 

My final goal is getting stronger physically by doing PIYO everyday for the next 3 months! (I may not be able to lift my arm in the morning) but I am still going to try it! :) I need to lose 20 more pounds! 

So as it says in 2 Corinthians 12:9; I am with you; that is all you need.  My power shows up best in weak people. 

I will be praying for you all and myself because God knows I am weak and these goals right here are the toughest ones I have ever given myself! But they are right there for you all to see! 

(If you would like to find out more about Usborne Books & More please contact me on my website at http://n4006.myubam.com - Thank you) 

Why do we care what others think?

“It is a dangerous trap to be concerned with

what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord,

you are safe.”

Proverbs 29:25

The other day I was working on my business plan and thinking to myself, why am I even bothering I will never be successful at this. No one will ever like this idea. Why am I even trying! I was at a really hard point in the process and I just didn't know what to do. So I started in with all this negative thinking. I don't know why we do that to ourselves. It is seriously silly that we do that to ourselves. I mean my business plan is an inspiration that I had years ago sitting in college and to this day I still believe it is God's purpose for my life. So here I am struggling with all the planning, all the writing, researching, and soon to be marketing; to possibly getting this idea off the ground. I am having a lot of problems at this stage because I will soon have to face the public with my idea. All the people I grew up with will soon know my idea and I will have to face my community to say I want to make it better with another business. It is a scary feeling wondering what people will think of me and how they will perceive my idea, but in the end I have to trust the Lord with this. He put this in my hands years ago when sitting in college he gave me the inspiration to not be a vet and to be a counselor, he gave me this inspiration years ago when I decided to research this topic and talk about it years ago. He knew this was meant for me. It just took the steps to get there. Now it will just take these last few steps to get there again. Can I accomplish....Maybe! I hope so! In the end though I know I don't want to care what others are thinking of me. I want to be able to hold me head high and say that I can trust in the Lord.

Can you say that you trust in the lord and don't care what others think about you?  I certainly hope so.  Please don't fall into the people pleasing trap.  As the verse says above... "It is a dangerous trap to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust in the Lord you are safe." Proverbs 29:25.  How true is that?  We do trap ourselves with our own negative thoughts.  We keep thinking about what others could be thinking.  It might not even be true.  We just assume.  In all honesty we never really know what people really think.  As a society we have broken so far away from communication and talking that it is so hard to tell what people really think anymore and really know.  We have to stop overwhelming ourselves with such a negative thinking of who we are what we are capable of.  Since I have started challenging myself I have learned that I am capable of much more that I thought I was.  Since I have started to rely on God to lead me I feel calmer....it is kind of relaxing.  In the end The Lord always answers our prayers.  Sometimes it is not always the answer we want or when we want it, but it is answered.  So stop caring what people think of you and let the Lord guide your life.  Your life will be calmer and you will be able to interact with others in a mood that you have never had before.  We are a unique species because God created us to have such communication and negative thoughts and sin, but he did that so we could learn how to live through him.  So live your life through God and keep practicing positive thoughts.  You can do it! I know I still need to practice :), especially when I get frustrated with things that are hard! 

I will pray for you all 

God Bless, 

Amanda 

The next generation....

"We're not keeping this to ourselves; we're passing it along to the generation!" 

Psalm 78:4 

Lately the one thing I have been struggling with is HOW MY KIDS SEE THE WORLD?  HOW WILL EVERYTHING I DO AFFECT MY KIDS?  This world is so full of problems anymore I am scared about the next generation.  The technology is overwhelming that kids don't even know how to communicate and play anymore because we just give them Ipads, Iphones, tablets, gameboys, and every other electronic device to keep them out of our way or to keep them occupied as babies so we can still enjoy "our" time as adults.  Do we even enjoy the small things in life anymore?  Family dinners, reading to our children, playing outside, or just having a simple conversation?  I think not.  I mean there is an app out there now that gives rewards for people to sit down and watch tv at the actual time that the shows are on, why?  Because DVR has become too convenient that the businesses are needing people to see the commercials! There are apps to get people to exercise, there are apps for shopping, parenting apps, communicating apps, but in reality these apps do nothing.  They are not human they are a computer! When you think about it if you depend on your phone so much as to tell you when to wake up, when to exercise, where to drive, what to listen to, how to parent your kids, and what to buy then you might as well be a computer! Do you really want your child to be that way?  I don't want my children like that at all! I want them to think for themselves so why do they need phones at age 7.....who are they really going to call?  I have a house phone they can use that.  I want them to learn how to use their imagination, that's why they have toys like blocks, animals, tractors, a barn, crayons, paper, dress up clothes, and paints.  They have a leap-pad tablet that they share but the time on that is limited and I have them play abc mouse a few times a week as well.  They both know how to use our Iphones and to reduce arguing I have an old cracked iphone with the same games so they each play with one for limited periods of times.  They prefer to be outside and to use their imagination over these computerized toys for now (thank goodness)! My oldest will be in kindergarten next year and I fear what he will be introduced to. I would prefer to keep his mind young and unaware of all the computerized junk that is out there! I mean seriously, Didn't the Iphone 5 just come out?  They are now advertising the Iphone 6! Am I missing something?  Geez I still have the Iphone4.  I myself am way behind on technology at this point.  I try to keep up, but how can you because what you learn one day is out dated the next!  I don't want my children to learn that we are just a computer generation and that in a marriage you don't communicate, or friends skype each other, or that God doesn't matter in a family.  I want my family to learn that God is important, that we need to communicate with one another, that imagination is important, that we pray about things, we work hard, we earn everything, reading is vital, learning is Key, and most important we have to love one another and to do that we have to have real conversations.  God created this world to progress, but in the progress each person has a purpose to fulfill.   I just hope that in all this computerized generation I will be able to keep my kids from the junk that is created.  We need to think about the next generation when we develop apps, when we expose our kids to things, or what we are teaching our kids! Sometimes when my husband and I sit up at night and watch Yukon Men, I wish I lived way up there in the middle of no where Alaska where there is no technology and they live off the land.  I envision how much I would be able to devote my life to teaching my children about nature, life, God, math (the right way and not this new way that confuses everyone), reading, and whatever else I could teach them without the use of technology.  I hope that even once they start school I will still be able to teach them some things here at home because I know their peers will be their biggest influences! This next generation is going to be more computerized than the current generation and we will only have ourselves to thank.  So spend sometime and get off your apps and do some thinking for yourself.  Figure out to exercise, how to cook a meal, how to have a conversation with your spouse or your kids, or how to watch tv because we need to figure out to progress forward again as a human and spend more time with the Lord.  Let's press upon the next generation the importance of being a real human and not a computer.  Let's teach them to communicate and to interact with others and how to earn things.  Lets teach them that the Lord is important so they know that they can do all things through Christ! Our kids are important, computers and phones are not! So let's put them down and make our kids important again! 

God Bless All of you, Gotta Go put a ninja Turtle Tattoo on now and Jump in the leaves after we finish watching the football game together! 

Want a New Life?... Me Too!

How often do you sit down and wish you had things differently?  I mean if you’re anything like me you probably pray for it every day right?  We pray for better financial situations, better relationships,better health, better circumstances all around!!! We are never satisfied with what we have. WHY?  Why are we never satisfied?  Why can’t we just be thankful for what God gave us?  I mean money pays our bills and puts food on the table, but why can’t we be happy with the life we have?  I struggle with hearing people complain and cut people down constantly every chance they get, and these social media sites are great in theory until you catch adults acting like teenagers or I guess I should say it UNCHRISTIAN like.  Basically people we are expecting our lives to be perfect here on earth.  We want the perfect house, the perfect relationship, the perfect society, and the perfect financial situation.  I have news for you….this is earth and life is not perfect!  We have to work at life, we have to accept what we were given and the situations we are put in and deal with them in a Christian way. Why, because one day we will be given the perfect life in heaven where we will have everything unflawed and laid out for us so neatly.  We will have no more struggles, no more adults acting like children, we will all get along, and we will all love one another.  This time and this place is affected by our sin and our unwillingness to live the way God intended...by his word. If we do not start to change that soon then eventually we will be so overcome with all the sin and hurt that there will be nothing left of good in the world.  You are not going to get a better life sitting on your butt writing nasty comments about people on facebook or twitter or google+!  NO, you get a better life by reading God’s word, volunteering, spreading his name, and just being a minister to others, but also by making yourself a healthier happier individual.  If you put your trust in the Lord he will provide for you.  I know I struggle to put my whole trust in the Lord but at this point in my life, we have come to that crossroads where it is time for me to say Lord, it is up to you! I know it says in the bible you are tithe every week and give of your money but my husband and I have never been able to do that….but I have always given of my time freely and willingly.  I have always volunteered at the church whenever I could because I can’t give of myself in the form of money.  Like I said money is not always what God is looking for.  God is looking for Love….He wants us to Love one another.  That is his biggest commandment.  So I choose to love other children by being a foster parent and I choose to love to work with other kids as that is my passion.  I love others no matter what their flaws, and even if a child has to leave my home for reasons I still choose to love and care about them.  I pray from them and hope that God will get them through because it will be the choices that they make that will cause them to struggle in their life.  We all have choices that define our lives, so please make good ones and choose to go and be in God’s word, and choose to love one another, and choose trust God with those finances and what ever decisions you make have faith and trust in the Lord as you make those those choices.  Hopefully, along the way we all will have our better life, if we choose to have this life with God!

“I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life

will be strong in love and be built on love.”

Ephesians 3:17 (NCV)