A New Year, A New Set of Challenges, and A New Mind Set

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you with my victorious right hand.    Isaiah 41:10

Well as I sit here on the last day of 2013 and watch the kids play together I reflect on the year as a whole.  I am not sure if it was a good year for me personally, but I know that it was a year that will make me stronger as a person.  As a family we welcomed two separate foster children in to our home and one still remains and we couldn't ask for a better family structure at this point.  We were able to take a family vacation, I continued to work as hard as I possibly could with all my health issues and I still strived to be the best I could be, but at the end of the day my health won out.  After seeing the first neurologist and being told I simply have fibromyalgia, my doctor and I wanted a second opinion.  So off to Pittsburgh I went right before Christmas and that neurologist is thinking I have a disorder called PsuedoTumor cerebi.  My body is producing too much spinal fluid causing similiar effects of a brain tumor.  This diagnosis online finally made sense to me and described everything I was trying to tell the first neurologist and he just wasn’t listening.  So after the first of the year I will be having some procedures done to possibly relieve the pain and pressure I get! Yay! I am excited for that part as I am tired of not sleeping at night or having nerve problems.  I am hoping that I am one of those cases where they remove the spinal fluid one time and all problems are cured and there is no flare ups again.  Wouldn’t that just be the best outcome for me.  These issues have really taken a big toll on me these last couple months to the point where I have trouble seeing and using the right side of my body.  I had to make the choice to leave my full time employment.  I need the ability right now to just sit when I am tired and to work at my own pace.  I know that staying home with the boys will be out of my comfort zone a little bit but at the end of the day I am excited to say I am a stay at home mommy and starting out 2014 that way relieves a lot of worries.  I know that there will be a TON of struggles we will face in the upcoming year but at this point I need to focus on me.  If I can focus on me for a little while then I can become the best mom that I know I can be.  

So for the year 2014 I am going to make some changes with me….I am going to change the way I eat, change the way I view life and begin to focus on my relationship with the lord more.  I have lost a lot faith in this past year but I don’t want it to slow me down anymore.  I am going to start out strong.  I have gotten some bible studies ready and have thought about how to organize and structure my days so that I am able to spend some time alone to focus on the Lord and me.  I would like to encourage all of you to do this as well.  Time alone with the Lord is valuable for all of us and it can really start to change the way we all feel.  I am hoping that this time and this diet change will begin to help my problems in their own way.  I have everything all lined up and ready to go and I am going to “Eat to Live” and pray a whole heck of a lot.  I am vowing not to have any resolutions this year.  I am going to have the lord carry me through 2014 as he sees fit.  I am just going to do what he asks.  The only thing I am going to do is change the way I eat….I am going to eat more fruits and vegetables, less bread and no sugar (pray for me here).  I am cutting out dairy and I am going to start to do moderate exercise so that I can hopefully regain some strength back in my right side.  I am and will continue to work towards running a marathon.  I have not forgotten that goal yet!  I am still determined to get there with the support of my family I know I can.  So my friends don’t waste today making resolutions, we will hate ourselves in the February when we have broken them.  Just vow to live out the year 2014 with the grace and help of the Lord.  He really does carry us through this life.  

The verse at the top of this post says it all.  I knew I had to share it all with you when I read it on my “verse of the day”  It said everything I wanted to say to myself.  I needed to see that I or you should not be afraid for the upcoming year.  The Lord is going to get us through the highs and the lows.  So don’t fret on the year 2013 it is all over and we are all moving on to the next year.  We are all here one more day and for a reason.  Keep your heads up high and keep striving for happiness in your goals!

Happy New Year Everyone and May God Bless you all in the upcoming year!

Talk about a challenge!

When I started this blog I never once expected the Lord to step in and stop me from meeting the Challenges that I set forth for myself.  I set out to work on four challenges: run a marathon, read the bible, lose weight while living a healthy lifestyle, and to go back to school to obtain some more certification in behavior.  Here I am 7 months later, completely struggling with every day life and my faith.  When I last wrote I talked about problems with my shoulder and how I could not run my first 5K because of the doctor's orders.  Well my friends that was back in October and I feel as if I have dropped off the planet, because essentially I have.  I feel as if I have been a robot just going through the motions that last few months.  This shoulder problem has completely turned into so much more and at this point I have had to attend more medical appointments and see more specialists that I cannot even tell you what doctor I am seeing anymore.  Unfortunately, I still have no answers, no treatment, and no understanding as to why my body is progressively breaking down and losing strength.  I have trouble holding my own children, today I barely made it into church holding Logan.  Talk about frustrating and making me want to cry, but this is my life.  I have heard the medical terms Lupus, Lymes, Disease, RA, Scardosis, and MS in the last three months. I have had MRIs, nerve testing, bloodwork, and x-rays done.  All reporting to be normal.  Again talk about frustrating.  I finally will see the neurologist on Tuesday and I am hoping that I might get some kind of answers.   The specialist I saw last week was somewhat positive my problems were not from arthritis, but more nuerological....leading to the lymes, MS, or scardosis categories.  I have been tested for lymes disease already so that is ruled out from the bloodwork standpoint. At this point I have daily struggles with every task and I have lost my faith in doctors and the longer the pain and headaches and all the other symptoms get worse I lose faith in God.  I am seriously struggling with his plan for me at this point in my life.  I was so ready to run a marathon in March and was exercising and really working on my healthy lifestyle and losing weight.  Now I can barely carry my 1 year old son and handle my every day tasks as a mother, wife, and employee.  So I have had to make decisions that really I didn't want to make, but I need to for my well being.  I actually stepped back and looked at myself for five minutes, said a prayer to the Lord, requested to go on the prayer chain, and BAM.....I quit my job! I realized I can't work full time and try to be a mom too when I can barely function after a day at work.  This was the most difficult decision I made in the last five months.  As the sole provider of good health insurance at a cost we could afford....I didn't want to quit, but I had to walk away.  Now with 2014 approaching I have no clue what I will be doing with my life, but I do know one thing, I will be home with my children and I will be able to focus on doing things for me by exercising and eating healthy.  I am also going to spend more time focusing on my Blog because I have really started to focus on praying again and I think I have finally gotten a better understanding of what The Lord wants for me.  He really wants me to be challenged and to show people that even though he gave me this challenge I will eventually come out on top (at least that is what I am hoping).  I eventually will get to do a marathon....maybe not 26 miles but I will get to do one.  I will dig deep and find my faith again and start to reach for the bible again and pray daily.  And I will lose weight, actually I have been losing weight without really trying because in the last three weeks my appetite has decreased and I can't eat that much especially during the work week when I am moving around alot.  I will over come the challenges and will rise to the challenge.  I know that the only way I am going to get through this is with continued support from family and friends and some prayers from others.  I know there is a purpose for me but right now I need to focus on getting through one day at time and managing my health.  So hopefully Tuesday I will learn what is truly wrong or be on some sort of path for treatment so that I can live my life again and be who I want to be.  So friends I ask for you to put me in your prayers this week and upcoming weeks as I learn what is wrong and have to make decisions for treatment.  I will also try to become more involved here and get back into my faith more!

 

I pray that God blesses each and every one of you this holiday season and blesses you as we enter 2014.  

 
Amanda