When I started this blog I never once expected the Lord to step in and stop me from meeting the Challenges that I set forth for myself. I set out to work on four challenges: run a marathon, read the bible, lose weight while living a healthy lifestyle, and to go back to school to obtain some more certification in behavior. Here I am 7 months later, completely struggling with every day life and my faith. When I last wrote I talked about problems with my shoulder and how I could not run my first 5K because of the doctor's orders. Well my friends that was back in October and I feel as if I have dropped off the planet, because essentially I have. I feel as if I have been a robot just going through the motions that last few months. This shoulder problem has completely turned into so much more and at this point I have had to attend more medical appointments and see more specialists that I cannot even tell you what doctor I am seeing anymore. Unfortunately, I still have no answers, no treatment, and no understanding as to why my body is progressively breaking down and losing strength. I have trouble holding my own children, today I barely made it into church holding Logan. Talk about frustrating and making me want to cry, but this is my life. I have heard the medical terms Lupus, Lymes, Disease, RA, Scardosis, and MS in the last three months. I have had MRIs, nerve testing, bloodwork, and x-rays done. All reporting to be normal. Again talk about frustrating. I finally will see the neurologist on Tuesday and I am hoping that I might get some kind of answers. The specialist I saw last week was somewhat positive my problems were not from arthritis, but more nuerological....leading to the lymes, MS, or scardosis categories. I have been tested for lymes disease already so that is ruled out from the bloodwork standpoint. At this point I have daily struggles with every task and I have lost my faith in doctors and the longer the pain and headaches and all the other symptoms get worse I lose faith in God. I am seriously struggling with his plan for me at this point in my life. I was so ready to run a marathon in March and was exercising and really working on my healthy lifestyle and losing weight. Now I can barely carry my 1 year old son and handle my every day tasks as a mother, wife, and employee. So I have had to make decisions that really I didn't want to make, but I need to for my well being. I actually stepped back and looked at myself for five minutes, said a prayer to the Lord, requested to go on the prayer chain, and BAM.....I quit my job! I realized I can't work full time and try to be a mom too when I can barely function after a day at work. This was the most difficult decision I made in the last five months. As the sole provider of good health insurance at a cost we could afford....I didn't want to quit, but I had to walk away. Now with 2014 approaching I have no clue what I will be doing with my life, but I do know one thing, I will be home with my children and I will be able to focus on doing things for me by exercising and eating healthy. I am also going to spend more time focusing on my Blog because I have really started to focus on praying again and I think I have finally gotten a better understanding of what The Lord wants for me. He really wants me to be challenged and to show people that even though he gave me this challenge I will eventually come out on top (at least that is what I am hoping). I eventually will get to do a marathon....maybe not 26 miles but I will get to do one. I will dig deep and find my faith again and start to reach for the bible again and pray daily. And I will lose weight, actually I have been losing weight without really trying because in the last three weeks my appetite has decreased and I can't eat that much especially during the work week when I am moving around alot. I will over come the challenges and will rise to the challenge. I know that the only way I am going to get through this is with continued support from family and friends and some prayers from others. I know there is a purpose for me but right now I need to focus on getting through one day at time and managing my health. So hopefully Tuesday I will learn what is truly wrong or be on some sort of path for treatment so that I can live my life again and be who I want to be. So friends I ask for you to put me in your prayers this week and upcoming weeks as I learn what is wrong and have to make decisions for treatment. I will also try to become more involved here and get back into my faith more!
I pray that God blesses each and every one of you this holiday season and blesses you as we enter 2014.
Amanda
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